It turns out that my goatee actually weighs in at 10 pounds. This conclusion was arrived at through due scientific process, applying a methodology tuned over the centuries of process improvement. I compared my weight now with that before I started this adventure.
No doubt, some skeptics will ask whether in fact the methodology, as I applied it, is flawed and whether the increase is not of the beard itself, but rather reflects the residue of a fine Christmas.
The answer is an emphatic NO! I have indeed washed my goatee on several occasions since those eventful times and it contains nothing but that most naturally qualified and expected.
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