I recently had a conversation with a fellow who was raising a number of concerns; an observer might say they were a series of complaints packaged in a rant. He was very passionate about these concerns.
A colleague of mine, who recently returned from Hawaii (which some might describe as paradise) commented, with some surprise, on what people were complaining about. In the broader context of world issues, he viewed their complaints as trivial. Why would otherwise intelligent people complain about the trivial?
It made me wonder if there is a deeper psychological need to complain. I’m sure it has been written about, but it’s too much to research.
Rather than enumerate a long list of complaints, I think it is more interesting to to explore the complaining experience: before, during and after.
For myself, before the complaint is uttered I have a sense of frustration that reflects the inability to do or achieve something. The duration of this pre-utterance period can range from hours to weeks. But at some point the aggravation reaches a threshold were action needs to be taken.
A complaint is uttered when I know no obvious action to take. If there is an action to be taken then I (usually) take it.
The period of complaining can extend for some duration, usually only hours or worst case days. Physically I experience a heightened sense of emotion, and possibly an increase in adrenaline. Sub-optimally my stress levels increase. In these cases part of the problem is actually articulating the issue, finding the right words to express the problem. This in itself can lead to further frustration.
The post-utterance period offers a sense of relief. This is either because the underlying issue has been understood and resolved or it is just clearly out of my control and there is nothing to be done.
I suspect there is value in complaining (there has to be because so many people complain it must have some evolutionary benefit):
- The process, in my case, reflects one of problem resolution and expression. It keeps me from “holding it in”
- The physical effect, I submit, is healthy if managed properly and not allowed to become too stressful. The key benefit in my view is that it fosters passion and while said in many different ways, a life without moments of passion is a dull one at best.
Reflecting back on my grandmother, she lived with a sound mind and astonishing memory well into her 90’s. She was a complainer. But it may be that was what kept her going; complaining filled her with passion that caused her to live to such a ripe old age.
I wonder if complaining is a manifestation from those who lack another source of passion. If fulfilled by other means would the need for complaining be reduced or removed?
For myself, I think I complain more during the winter months. Weather related? Absolutely: no golf.
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